Bumps in the Road

I’m sorry if this blog post will come out lacking rime and reason.  I’m just looking for an outlet. I’ve never been good at keeping a diary, and I’ve had these overwhelming feelings around life and blogging that have bubbling up inside of me and actually keeping me from getting anything done. So where do I start?

FEELINGS…

Overwhelmed.  

Disappointed.

Stressed.

Nervous.

Excited.

Tired.  

Guilt.

Low.    

THE BEGINNING

A couple months before leaving Canada, I discovered the blog Where’s Sharon?. I was completely inspired. I thought to myself “I’m about to embark on this adventure, so now is the time to start a travel / living abroad blog.”  My amazing husband was on board (as always) and I started planning  the blog.

I arrived in Taiwan, excited and going through culture shock.  I took plenty of photos and videos, but come the end of the day, toddler and newborn down, I didn’t have the energy to put posts together, to edit videos etc.  Plus I had to learn how to do this stuff. I’m not a natural techie and I didn’t know / still don’t really know how to edit photos and videos. As time passed, I kept feeling guilty and feeling like I was missing a moment to share with my “audience.” I had and still have no audience, but you get my drift.  At the end of the night, I would crash or escape into a book or Netflix.

THE HERE AND NOW… Why can’t I…?

This above paragraph kinda echoes the rest of my time here.  Now, I feel like I finally have my daily groove down in Taiwan. I’ve met friends, my son is happy and my baby is healthy. I still however, cannot get my freaking blogging groove down. I’m riddled with guilt over this and am tearing up writing about it. Why can’t I do this? I’m a smart woman. I can write. I have ideas. I’ve read books like Drive and $100 Startups.  I’ve also been listening to many inspirational podcasts such as Epic Education Radio, Startup With Kids and The Nomad Together. So I know that I am my biggest obstacle.  Others are doing it so why can’t I?

INSTAGRAM

I decided to get into instagramming, to connect with other bloggers and to get my name out there. I love it, however, I also feel REALLY overwhelmed with it.  I don’t want to be on my phone too much in front of my children and to keep up with Instagram alone, I feel like I need to be on my device constantly.  I’m also trying to instagram “instantly” so I’m feeling the pressure to have daily authentic material.  “I took this photo earlier today, now it’s dark, does it look bad if I post it now?”

Just recently, I cracked under the pressure and ignored my account for a long time. As time passed, the thought of looking at it again, of losing followers, and of finding the time to connect would overwhelm me to the point of paralysis and so I would simply ignore the account again.  Five weeks later, and with my husband gently nudging me along, I checked my account and am back at it.

ESCAPING UNDER PRESSURE

I know that it’s not fair to put so much pressure on myself. I mean I’m on maternity leave and I have three children.  I get that. I know that it’s normal to be tired.  At the end of the day, I feel wiped and the thought of writing, or messaging or trying to update my oh-so-bare-bones-and-crappy-blog just overwhelms me even more.

So I escape by watching Netflix or by reading a good book.

The interesting thing, is that I didn’t even realise that I was escaping and had not even thought of the term escapism, but that’s what’s happening.  I feel overwhelmed and by watching a couple shows, or reading a book, these feelings calm down. Then I go to bed and then it’s another day.  

The cycle continues.

Meanwhile, my project lies in stagnant waters and I feel like shit.

 

6 Responses

  1. Paul Kortman says:

    I feel that way all the time, and yes it appears to other people like we’re living an amazing life, producing great/frequent content and leading a large crowd. But the reality is we watch netflix almost every day. Not because we have time, our todo lists are all caught up, or that we’re on top of everything… we just need some downtime. It’s human. The challenge is to set realistic expectations for yourself and then not to feel guilty with those. For example I try to work only 4 hours a day (when things are going well) and when I quit after 4 hours I feel guilty … so most days I work 6-10 or more hours/day. Those days when I only work 4, if I can overcome the guilt I actually enjoy life more. So I’d recommend considering the guilt you put on yourself and try to work on removing that.

    • Marisol says:

      Thank you Paul! Your input means a lot to me. I agree with the thought about setting realistic expectations. It’s too easy sometimes to want to accomplish too much too fast. Onward and upwards!

  2. Jean-Michel says:

    People who write daily blogs are rarely raising 2 babies in a new country. What you’re doing is nothing short of incredible. So at the end of an insane day as a full-time mom you just crash in front of the TV?? I won’t be the one blaming you.
    And I don’t need to read about your trip every single day to think of your family and how crazy inspiring your adventure is.

  3. Marie-Andree Cossette says:

    When I think about upcoming days off, there is always so much I intend to do. Yet, when the time comes, I feel lazy, and all I want to do is rest and relax. The reality is that even though I love my work, it takes everything out of me. During my days off, I need to rejuvenate otherwise, I don’t think I would be able to keep on working. The guilt always seems to find its way in, and it is a challenge to shut up that nagging voice. But shut it up, we must. We are more important than a nagging voice that keeps on saying we have to do this and that. Raising children is a full time job. It does take everything everything out of you. If you feel like watching Netflix or reading a good book at the end of the day, after you have given all of you, SO BE IT. And oh.. have a glass of wine with it.

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